The Alabastard

AlabastreAizo, also known as "The Alabastard," "Minotaur Jakku," and "The Minotaur King" is one of the great Uber Guardians who oversees all poll operations in the Uber Elitist Realm. Known for his conversational skills, incredible, unmatched strength, and keen eye for everything, The Alabastard has been the main reason the Uber Elitist Kingdom has stayed afloat above the heavens since its inception.


It is said that The Alabastard simply came into existence through sheer force of will. This explains the fact that he is called Alabastard, because no one truly knows his father...or if he is his own father. Or maybe not. After randomly choosing a planet (pulled out of a hat, no less) -- coincidentally Earth -- he settled in seeking a peaceful life. This type of life would be put on hold for a while though, as Earth was ravaged by a minotaur, one that was born the same time as Alabastre came into being. Alabastre and his alter ego, Minotaur would do epic battle across the planet for 65 million years -- moving continents and trampling on every dinosaur that were unfortunately in the wrong place at the wrong time -- and made the Earth as it is seen today. After a long and arduous war, Alabastre emerged victorious and would slingshot the lifeless Minotaur's body into the far reaches of space. All the surviving Earth species praised his legendary feat and named him "The Minotaur King." He would then rule over the Earthlings for millenia to come.

From Minotaur King to Uber Guardian

Alabastre would eventually cross paths with the Uber Elitists and help them construct an impenetrable fortress that would oversee everything going around the universe -- past, present, and future -- an occupation The Minotaur King himself is responsible for. He would also become an Uber Guardian of the fortress; not one plebe has managed to even come 9000 light years close to it thanks to him.

Skills and Abilities

Alabastre's immense strength has been nearly impossible to match, and all those who challenged him died and immediately turned to dust after just one punch. Alabastre can move and align planets to any pattern and orbit he chooses, has contained and destroyed supermassive blackholes, saved the Klingon planet from destruction countless times, and can bend the space-time continuum with a single finger. Alabastre's conversational skills have been the basis of all language origins, dating back even before the creation of the Tower of Babylon. Some have argued that the Tower of Babylon was inspired by Alabastre himself. Many women, men, animal, and extraterrestrial being have been enamored by his gift of tongues that all those who even listen to him for just a second immediately fall in love with him. Alabastre's keen eye for observation has been effective in eliminating those who would defy the Uber Elitists before they even take such action.


HP: 3,019,286 

Attack: x

Defense: 9,999

Special Attack: x

Special Defense: 9,999

Speed: 12691


- "Japanese cartoons are for nerds. I throw nerds in dumpsters."

- "I love you guys (homo)."

- "I live in a castle made of human skulls, bats, etc."